Posted by ini on July 15, 2000 at 19:39:25:
From what I read, this is what you see when someone uses Phoenix Fire.
==
Closing his eyes, (sigil owner) draws his hands to his chest. Painfully bright
silvery-white flames begin to swirl around (sigil owner). Opening his eyes and
glaring at you, the silvery-white flames begin to form a sphere in his
hands. With a piercing battle-cry, that reminds you of a hunting phoenix
(sigil owner) hurls the flaming sphere at you. As it strikes you, pain of
unbelievable magnitude wracks every inch of your being.
==
It's a bit choppy, and often looks short and silly due to the size of the sentences.
Now, if we fix up those sentences, we come up with this:
==
Closing his eyes, (sigil owner) draws his hands to (his/her) chest and painfully bright silver-white flames begin to dance around (his/her) figure. Suddenly opening (his/her) eyes and glaring at you, the silvery-white flames begin to shift and form a sphere in (his/her) hands. Rearing forward quickly with a piercing battlecry that reminds you of a hunting phoenix, (sigil owner) hurls the flaming sphere at you, wracking your body with a pain of unbelievable magnitude as it strikes and engulfs your entire form!
==
I don't call myself a Grandmaster of Grammar, but I just figure it might be better than the old version. No shots at whoever wrote it, I'm just offering a replacement.