Posted by Oddjob on November 8, 2000 at 15:47:01:
In Reply to: Rather than go OOC, say one of these.. posted by Takashimi on November 8, 2000 at 08:56:57:
> I stumbled across this and thought it was pretty funny. Rather than go OOC next time, just say one of these.
>
> WHEN YOU NEED A ONE LINER...
> THE ANTI-GIBBERING SYSTEM
> CREATED FOR
> ADVANCED DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
> BY
> REID BLUEBAUGH
> -----------------------------------------------------------------------
> @ COPYRIGHT 1992 REID BLUEBAUGH
>
> There comes a time in a character's, a player's, or a DM's life when he/she
> doesn't know quite what to say. Instead of just keeping quiet, he/she usually
> goes into a gibbering fit of nonsense which lasts for a few non-productive
> minutes (if not longer). To cut down on gibbering, these tables limit
> characters, players and even DMs to one liners. So whenever any participant sees
> a potential gibbering mouther heading his/her way, he/she can require the
> gibberer to roll on the appropriate table (characters Table 1, players Table 2,
> DMs Table 3).
> The liner usually ends up to be nonsense (just like the gibbering fits), but it
> doesn't take long and adds a bit of random humor to the game. It also gives the
> players a chance at controlling the DM to some extend (a player has to get what
> he can).
> Instead of sharing the tables and results, they can be given to each participant
> for there own personal use. Users may also mark off quotes already used so
> repeats don't happen. Whatever the group decides to do is fine, the DM isn't the
> only one with power.
> The REROLLs on the table might seem like a nuisance, but they are there so the
> tables may be expanded in the future and so randomness avoids the dreaded bell
> curve. Users of the tables may adjusted the table to suit there needs.
>
> TABLE 1: Character Quotes (1d100)
> 01-80 ROLL ON TABLE 1A
> 81-00 ROLL ON TABLE 1B
>
> TABLE 1A: Character Quotes (1d100)
> 1 AAAAAHRRGGGHHHH
> 2 Aargh, they'll be mutton tonight.
> 3 A door? A big door? A locked door? A trapped door?
> 4 Agggh! I just had that cloak washed.
> 5 Ahh quit worrying I didn't detect any traps.
> 6 Alms for the poor.
> 7 And that is called bashing the balrog...
> 8 Anything interesting to do around here? Civilizations to crumble?
> 9 Away put your weapon. I mean you no harm.
> 10 Be silent for the gods have ears.
> 11 Body blow! Body blow! That's mighty blow DAMN IT.
> 12 Buy Madam Fifi's Muffins.
> 13 Cease & desist citizen or I'll reduce your head to a fine mist.
> 14 Charles Jaco Jingle Heimer Schmidt...
> 15 C'mon you worm!
> 16 Cut loose the dogs of war.
> 17 Damsel in distress! How much money do we have? Do we get?
> 18 Did you bring your dogs?
> 19 Don't break the glass in a lab! BREAK THE GLASS! BREAK THE GLASS!
> 20 Don't call me tiny.
> 21 Don't charge into melee!
> 22 Don't fire into melee!
> 23 Don't take wooden gold (?) pieces.
> 24 Eat hardy me'lads, for tomorrow we die.
> 25 Follow the mouse, for he knows where the holes are.
> 26 For us to surrender to despair will be evil's ultimate victory.
> 27 Gee, these monsters aren't really tough at all.
> 28 Gems...what gems?
> 29 Go scout up ahead.
> 30 Guys! There's 20 ogres over here and I got'em surrounded!
> 31 He is a dangerous man, and you're on his Christmas list.
> 32 He must be a paladin, he's got a flower on his shield.
> 33 Hey, do I look like a paladin?
> 34 Hey! He's supposed to be on OUR side.
> 35 How can we starve? WE'VE GOT GRAIN!
> 36 Humor the monster and keep it away from those who die easily.
> 37 If I'm gonna save the universe, I want to be sober!
> 38 I leap the chasm.
> 39 I'll make a diversion.
> 40 I'll take the little one...
> 41 I'll walk toward the light.
> 42 I'll walk up to dragon and drink my potion of dragon control.
> 43 I'm not gonna be the first one through that door!
> 44 I think he's out of shots!
> 45 Let's come back and pick up the treasure later.
> 46 Looks like it's sleeping.
> 47 Looks like the combat is going our way!
> 48 The women, how much for the women?
> 49 They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...AAAAAHRRGGGHHHH....
> 50 Trust me.
> 51 I come in peace, you leave in pieces.
> 52 I disbelieve anything that may be an illusion.
> 53 I do speak chromatic dragon.
> 54 If it bleeds we can kill it.
> 55 I hate dinosaurs.
> 56 I have a really good feeling about this.
> 57 I know elves, they're all sopping over with compassion.
> 58 I know! I'll make a ME simulator! I'll make millions...billions!
> 59 I'll try anything once; twice if it hurts.
> 60 I'm going to crank on the wench.
> 61 I'm here to kick ass and eat rations, and I'm all out of rations.
> 62 I'm making this up as I go!
> 63 I'm not going first!!!
> 64 In tongues they do speak.
> 65 Is it finely crafted?
> 66 It must be nice to have magical protection.
> 67 It's better to die on your feet, then live on your knees.
> 68 It seems we've made a grave error.
> 69 It's just a couple of orcs...
> 70 It went right thru...It went right thru...It went right thru...
> 71 I've got a bad feeling about this.
> 72 I will attempt to turn the undead creature.
> 73 I wish I had a pole arm.
> 74 Kill the Gelfling!
> 75 Loot the village...Ravage the women...Burn the crops...
> 76 Make it so.
> 77 Mmmmmm, I love creampuffs.
> 78 No! YOU open the door!
> 79 Nyaah, can't catch me!
> 80 Orcs have tiny dorks.
> 81 Out of the way, I'm going great guns!
> 82 Paladin Pussies!
> 83 Peace! peace! I come in peace!
> 84 Runes?
> 85 Screw the villagers, I'm no paladin.
> 86 Sometimes the innocent must die.
> 87 Start praying to your...god!
> 88 Surprise!!!
> 89 Sometimes I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.
> 90 That is not a jury of my peers! Those are only common citizens!
> 91 That should be the last of them.
> 92 The forces of evil will fall one day and we shall be there.
> 93 The thief will open the trap door. What'da you mean thief?
> 94 The wheel of time continues to turn as we trek on...
> 95 Throw 'em in the drink.
> 96 tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick...
> 97 Time to die!
> 98 Toad in the freezer? That's quite queer.
> 99 Treazure...
> 00 Treeeeees?
>
> TABLE 1B: Character Quotes (1d20)
> 1 Wait! Hold it! I got a greeeeat idea!
> 2 Wait! Wait! I've got a GREAT idea!
> 3 We'll be back.
> 4 We'll enter with a hearty hurrah.
> 5 We're safe. They never come out during the day.
> 6 We're surely in trouble? Hey don't call me Shirley.
> 7 What does Green Slime taste like?
> 8 What's in it for us?
> 9 What'ya got in that pack? Tools?
> 10 What's that flashing?
> 11 Whoah! Nice shootin', Tex!
> 12 Who says retainers get a share of the treasure?
> 13 Who's next on the hit list?
> 14 You can't shoot me! I'm indispensable!
> 15 You do that. I'll just climb this handy tree, here.
> 16 You have my word of honor.
> 17 You klingon bastard! You killed my son!
> 18 You're an elf, do something about it...
> 19 You underestimate the power of the Dark Side!
> 20 You've been scorned by the wrath of a thousand gods...squared.
>
> TABLE 2: Player Quotes (1d100/2 rounded down)
> 1 A 1, but no notch.
> 2 A Demon! We can get lots of experience points and treasure!
> 3 A TWO! I hit! We're going for low numbers, right?
> 4 Another 18 ability! WOW!
> 5 But white dragon's can't cast spells.
> 6 Can I turn it?
> 7 Can the blacksmith make Plate Armour?
> 8 Do I know anything useful about the monster?
> 9 Don't worry...I can turn undead.
> 10 Don't worry, I won't get hurt. I have far too many hit points...
> 11 Ha! You can't kill me! I'm the DM's brother!
> 12 He did HOW much damage?!?
> 13 Hey, I'm invulnerable to him.
> 14 I don't have any climbing skill, but I have lots of hit points.
> 15 I don't wanna hurt'em so I'll try to subdue him.
> 16 I draw my weapon and charge into melee.
> 17 If you don't acknowledge encumbrance, does it exist?
> 18 I'll attempt to pick the lock.
> 19 I'll grab the bar maiden as she walks. I have Charisma ya know.
> 20 I'll just hide in shadows.
> 21 I'll tumble.
> 22 I meant to do that.
> 23 I'm immune to that.
> 24 I shall pick the Lich's pocket.
> 25 I snap the staff!
> 26 I thought it was implied.
> 27 Its no longer fun for the player characters.
> 28 Love them strength bonuses.
> 29 Make a saving throw at negative WHAT?
> 30 Mighty blow! Mighty blow! Knock'em out!
> 31 No problem, I got magic resistance.
> 32 NOTES: 5 gold pieces, goblin, eat rations, knife, 6:00
> 33 Oh Gawd! He found his evil red/black 20 sider! We're gonna die!
> 34 Okay, I'll take a sip of the potion.
> 35 So, how many XPs do I get for this dead 12th level Anti-Paladin?
> 36 So what happens if you're drained below level 1?
> 37 The cleric doesn't have a CLW (cure light wounds; pron: clue).
> 38 The thief shall FART (find and remove traps) in the room.
> 39 The paladin easily casts Detect Evil on the twelve zombies.
> 40 Wait... 4+2+7+3... 6% KO... no knockout.
> 41 Whaddaya mean there was a water elemental in the toilet?!?
> 42 What's the AC? AC 5, 6, 9, 10?
> 43 What do you mean I can't climb a rotten rope in full armor?
> 44 What the hell is a Xvart?
> 45 Where's my lucky twenty sider?
> 46 Why is the Dungeon Master smiling?
> 47 You ask the impossible.
> 48-50 REROLL
>
> TABLE 3: Dungeon Master Quotes (1d100/2 rounded down)
> 1 100 experience for anyone who gets me a sandwich.
> 2 A man in a dark robe suddenly appears.
> 3 As you reach into your pouch, you realize your out o' coins.
> 4 Body blow! Body blow! Upper-cut! Knock'em out!
> 5 Hey who farted? Save versus stinking gas or die.
> 6 His armor class is -10.
> 7 Hold on, I'm reading.
> 8 How 'bout a good game of Mazes & Monsters?
> 9 I didn't see you roll that dice.
> 10 I hold your fate in my hands.
> 11 I know this group of friendly D&D'ers, want to come on over?
> 12 I'm DM, go get me a Coke.
> 13 Is the save it or above?
> 14 Live and let die.
> 15 Mono El Mono! Man To Man!
> 16 Of course it's really dead.
> 17 Picture this...
> 18 Saving throws if you're an elf.
> 19 Save vs. poison or DIE.
> 20 Sometimes we go forward, but actually we go back.
> 21 Suddenly.....All of a sudden.....
> 22 That's it! I'm doing tons of damage!
> 23 There is a fine line between role-playing and gibbering.
> 24 There is dissension amongst the player characters.
> 25 The sword seems to be stuck in your hands...it may be cursed.
> 26 You didn't write it down!
> 27 You must differentiate between player and character knowledge.
> 28 You're separate entities from your characters.
> 29 You're sitting in a tavern and a man approaches...
> 30 You're walking in the woods and find stairs leading downward.
> 31 You trip over the imaginary turtle that you thought wasn't there.
> 32 What do you know, another hit; I've been lucky today.
> 33 What do you mean 4 or less on 3d6?!
> 34 What do you mean you don't know what a banded agate looks like?
> 35 What's the marching order?
> 36-50 REROLL