> Your main problem isn't that you've lost this "someone". Your problem is that you need someone ELSE to keep you in check. You're what, twenty-two, twenty-three? You're an adult. You shouldn't need to be looked after. <br>> You can either put energy into pining after someone away in Tokyo, or into bettering yourself until you can be a good person <i>without</i> relying on them. <br>> <br>> Of course, you probably won't take this advice. You'll brush it off and say I don't understand, or tell yourself it's stupid to take advice from people on QHCF anyway. So talk to someone who DOES understand. A RL friend or someone else you respect. At the end of the day, I'd say you have two choices. You can be a self-reliant, emotionally-mature ADULT with healthy relationships, or you can be a -- in your own words -- your "old bastard self"