After traveling for a while, Vahrtznif came across a paladin training grounds. He happened upon them while they were preparing for their morning salutations, so he hid in a bush to watch undetected.


“Paladins, SALUTE!” shouted the commander of the unsaluting, non-saluting, insaluting? shouted the commander of the Paladins who were not, at that moment in time, saluting.

Vahrtznif watched, awestruck, as the Paladins saluted all at once. He ran from behind the bushes and shouted “all I want to salute is Augustus Creamer’s big dicker!” This, of course, shocked the Paladins and their tight sense of ethics. Before the commander could respond, big ol King Tutters slid down his slide of big ol stinky butter and met Vahrtznif face to face. Big ol King Tutters demanded, “Tell me about your dad. I bet his name is Doopiter.” Vahrtznif was appalled by this, but he remembers feeling fortunate that he was not a-Paul-ed by this, as Paul was not his birth name.

Big ol King Tutters continued, “Tell me what your name is, though it probably rhymes with Mock.” Vahrtznif quickly spooged “No, my name is Vahrtznif.” The king was unimpressed, noting “Everything these paladins are, you are the opposite. You are the anti of them.” It became clear to Vahrtznif, now. Everything the paladins did, he would do the opposite. Thus, he began training as an anti-paladin. As the king slid back up his slide, he left Vahrtznif with one piece of advice: “Vahrtznif, do not play in a coal mine because that’s dangerous.”


Ignoring his advice, Vahrtznif decided to pretend like he was running away sad. It sure pays off to be an actor. Actually it really doesn’t, and he wasn’t acting. Vahrtznif felt sadness. He then hid in the bushes, and watched the paladins train. Every time they did something, he did the opposite. When they would punch, he would kick. When they would kick, he would punch. When they would eat, he would barf. And so, he developed a basic skillset to become an anti-paladin.

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