One morning in the office... (a short parody in the form of a log):

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Posted by Harlequin on September 29, 2000 at 06:04:33:




<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> look
A cubicle
A small gray desk takes up most of the room here. An almost obscenely small
monitor taunts you with the possibility of mudding. Cramped as it is, you call
this place home for forty hours a week.

[Exits: south]

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> where
People near you:
(PK) Bossman A much larger office
(PK) Unixadmin A cubicle
(PK) Netpunk A cubicle
(PK) Harlequin A cubicle
(PK) Enduser A cubicle
(PK) Vipman A much, much, much larger office

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> sigh
You sigh.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> aff
You are affected by:
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies intelligence by –10 for 8 hours
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies dexterity by –10 for 8 hours
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies none by 0 for 8 hours
Skill: ‘detect network problems’ modifies none by 0 for 8 hours
Skill: ‘question evasion’ modifies none by 0 for 8 hours
Skill: ‘tech speak’ modifies none by 0 for 8 hours

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv>
You yawn uncontrollably as your boredom seeps through to your bones!
Your yawning scratches you.

<99%hp 100%m 100%mv> mutter
You mutter to yourself.

<99%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser has arrived.

<99%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘Did you know the network is down?’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> roll
You roll your eyes in disgust.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> l monitor
While obscenely small, it gets the job done. Blinking lights in several
applications appear to monitor the status of the local and wide area
network.
The network is in perfect health.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Okay, genius. Tell me why you think the network is down.
You say ‘Okay, genius. Tell me why you think the network is down.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser looks angry.
Enduser is filled with his own sense of self worth.
Enduser readies himself to attack.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘Well, I can’t get to the internet. The network is down.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> mutter
You mutter to yourself.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ping cisco.com
Ping. PONG!

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Network is fine.
You say ‘Network is fine’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser gets angrier.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘I’m telling you, the network is down!!’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> yawn
You yawn.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Can you get your email?
You say ‘Can you get your email?’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘Yes.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Are all your network applications, aside from your web browser, working okay?
You say ‘Are all your network applications, aside from your web browser, working okay?’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘Well… Yes.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Network is fine. G’way.
You say ‘Network is fine. G’way.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser turns red in the face.
Enduser begins to hyperventilate.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> roll
You roll your eyes in disgust.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘THE NETWORK IS DOWN!!’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Are you trying to look at porn again?
You say ‘Are you trying to look at porn again?’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘Uh. No. Wouldn’t think of doing such a thing at work.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘So, the network is…
You say ‘So, the network is…’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser mutter to himself angrily.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser says ‘The network is fine.’

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> Enduser leaves south.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv> smirk
You smirk to yourself quietly.

<100%hp 100%m 100%mv>
Your boredom attacks when you least expect it causing you to doze off.
As you doze off, a napjerk strikes!
Your napjerk wounds you.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> drink coffee
Your coffee cup is empty.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> get coffee
You pick up your coffee cup.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> south
It might have wheels but do you really want to take your chair with you?

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> stand
You stand up.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> south
A hallway
To each side of you lies cubicle upon cubicle. They stretch as far as the eye
can see, threatening to drive you mad with their sameness. Glancing around,
you do see the few offices reserved for those who rank higher on the food chain.

[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> brief
Brief descriptions activated.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> east
east
east
east
east

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A break room
[Exits: west]
(Hyper) Netpunk is here.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> groan
You groan loudly.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> Netpunk drinks some coffee.
Netpunk is moving more quickly.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> Netpunk says ‘HiHarlequinIhavesomequestionsIneedtoaskyouifyouhaveafewminutes.’

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘Well, I had planned on getting back to my cubicle as…
You say ‘Well, I had planned on getting back to my cubicle as…

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv>Netpunk says ‘Great.Firstcanyoumovemefromthe10megabitconnectioninmyofficetothegigabitethernet?Ithinkmyworkloadwarrantsit’

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> ignore netpunk
You begin ignoring Netpunk, nodding and making affirmative noises when you think
appropriate.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> fill cup
You fill your cup with fresh coffee.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> examine cup
A coffee cup with the words “The network is fine” printed in large black letters is here.
It is full of a black liquid.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> dr coffee
You drink coffee from a cup.
You feel yourself moving more quickly.
A slight ringing fills your ears.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> mutter
You mutter to yourself.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> aff
You are affected by:
Malady: ‘caffeine overdose’ modifies none by 0 for 4 hours
Spell: ‘caffeine boost’ modifies none by 0 for 4 hours
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies intelligence by –10 for 7 hours
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies dexterity by –10 for 7 hours
Malady: ‘boredom’ modifies none by 0 for 7 hours
Skill: ‘detect network problems’ modifies none by 0 for 7 hours
Skill: ‘question evasion’ modifies none by 0 for 7 hours
Skill: ‘tech speak’ modifies none by 0 for 7 hours

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> glare netpunk
You glare icily at him.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> ignore netpunk
You stop ignoring Netpunk, actually listening to what he says.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> Netpunk says ‘ButifwedothatIfigurewewouldhavetoshutdownhalfthenetworkbutwhowouldnotice?’

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> ‘You made this coffee, didn’t you?
You say ‘Youmadethiscoffee,didn’tyou?’

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> Netpunk nods quickly, obviously very pleased with himself.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv>shake
You shake your head.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> west

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]
Netpunk has arrived.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> west

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]
Netpunk has arrived

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> nofollow
You stop accepting followers.
Netpunk stops following you.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> west
west
west
north

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A hallway
[Exits: north east south west]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> A cubicle
[Exits: south]

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> l clock
You look at the clock wondering if time could possibly crawl any slower… Yes, yes it can.

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> time
It is 8 o'clock AM, Friday, 29th of the Month of September.
The moon is currently down.
You woke up at Fri Sep 29 05:45:00 2000
The actual time is Fri Sep 29 08:30:14 2000

<98%hp 100%m 100%mv> sigh
You sigh.



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