Harlequin the Bored Baron

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[TROUPE] Okay, I think we all know why we are gathered here today.
[SYLVAN] Well, we weren't sure but we set up a wall of thorns outside, just in
case.
[EMPIRE] Silence you tree hugging hippy! We are obviously here to discuss the
terms of the false Cabals' inevitable surrender to the Citadel's might!
[MASTER] Oh?
[EMPIRE] Um, except for the Tower of course. Um, they shall remain independent
so that, um, the Arcane sect will be able to peruse their libraries.
{MASTER] Oh?
[EMPIRE] Um, what I meant to say is that, um, well, we like the Tower where it
is and so have decided to spare it from destruction!
[MASTER] Oh?
[EMPIRE] Oh, for crying out loud! What was I supposed to say again?
[MASTER] >whispers quickly to EMPIRE<
[EMPIRE] Oh, yeah! The Tower shall remain in place to safeguard the Citadel
against those who would protect nature and impede our inevitable expansion into
the wilds!
[MASTER] That was very good.
[EMPIRE] >blushes furiously< Thank you.
[ENTROPY] >rolls eyes< Can we get on with this? I'm not used to following
schedules and it's really starting to chafe. Plus, my shovel is double parked.
[TROUPE] Um, your shovel?
[ENTROPY] YOU DARE TO DEFY MY SHOVEL?!? MY SHOVEL WILL HAVE WORDS WITH YOU!!!
[TROUPE] It will?
[ENTROPY] Yes, it will. As soon as it's done with its bath.
[TROUPE] Your shovel is taking a bath?
[ENTROPY] YOU DARE TO QUESTION MY SHOVEL'S ACTIONS?!?! FEAR ITS WRATH AND
TREMBLE BEFORE THE MIGHT IT POSSESSES!
[TROUPE] Ahem. Well. I think that's quite nice and all but we really should get
to the heart of the matter.
[BATTLE] Heart?!?! Where??? I need a trophy.
[TROUPE] It was a figure of speech.
[BATTLE] Speech? You are obviously a mage and in need of killing.
[TROUPE] No, I am a bard. I write stories.
[BATTLE] Write? You are obviously a mage and in need of killing.
[TROUPE] I don't think you understand. I sing songs and hold contests.
[BATTLE] Hold? You are obviously a mage and in need of killing.
[TROUPE] Fine, kill me but can you do it after the meeting?
[BATTLE] Hmm, so long as the killing gets done, I suppose I can wait.
[DAWN] Look, I would love to stick around but there's somebody starving in the
mountains and their legs are too tired to get them back to the city. May I be
excused so I can gate to them? I'll come right back.
[EMPIRE] >snickers and mumbles the words, "As a ghost maybe"<
[DAWN] What? What did you say?
[EMPIRE] Nothing. I think you should go to help out the BLA. Err, unfortunate
individual who calls for help.
[DAWN] >looks at EMPIRE suspiciously< And why would you want me to help them.
[EMPIRE] Well, ahem, of course every life is precious to us. Everyone is a
potential Citizen.
[MASTER] In that case, why do you not send somebody there first to help them and
make them swear the oath, EMPIRE?
[EMPIRE] Good idea.
[DAWN] Oh, no you don't! I won't allow it! >opens a gate and steps through<
[EMPIRE] Thanks.
[MASTER] No problem. Just remember to give me half.
[EMPIRE] Sure thing.
[TROUPE] What are you two talking about?
[MASTER] Nothing.
[EMPIRE] Nothing.
[TROUPE] >sighs< Well, we have to get started so I'll just fill in DAWN when
they return.
[ARBITER] Sorry I'm late. There were Centurions and a wall of thorns on Eastern
Road.
[TROUPE] >narrows eyes at SYLVAN and EMPIRE<
[SYLVAN] >camos<
[EMPIRE] Oh, sure, blame it all on us. At least they didn't have to walk through
a randomized area. >peers at Entropy<
[TROUPE] >peers at ENTROPY<
[ENTROPY] My shovel did it.
[TROUPE] Your shovel again?
[ENTROPY] YOU MOCK MY SHOVEL?!?! MY SHOVEL WILL DESTROY YOU FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!
[TROUPE] >sighs<
[DAWN] >walks back in, naked and muttering<
[TROUPE] Now what?
[DAWN] Oh, there was nobody in trouble. Just a bunch of gangbangers waiting for
me when I gated in.
[EMPIRE] >snickers<
[TROUPE] Well, sorry to hear that but since we're all here. The reason I brought
you all here today.
[ARBITER] Sorry, but I have to ask a question.
[TROUPE] >sighs and glares at ARBITER< Yes???
[ARBITER] Lrw woq qakjhd lioi mqbsu xm wrtp?
[TROUPE] >exasperated< ENTROPY!!!!
[ENTROPY] Shovel.
ENTROPY is now WANTED!!!
[SYLVAN] Hey! Why'd you do that?
SYLVAN is now WANTED!!!
[MASTER] >snickers<
MASTER is now WANTED!!!
[MASTER] HEY! >whispers to EMPIRE< Do something.
[EMPIRE] We must protest the actions of ARBITER. MASTER did nothing more than
snicker at the hippy's unlawfulness.
EMPIRE is now WANTED!!!
[EMPIRE] Oh, great, that worked out well.
[DAWN] It serves you both right you evil, evil, evil, evildoers.
DAWN is now WANTED!!!
[DAWN] What did I do??
[ARBITER] >tongue finally uncontorts< This was obviously a ploy to distract me
from criminal activities that are even now taking place. Therefore as
conspirators to detain myself from my duties, you are all wanted. Those who wish
to turn themselves in peacefully will be given back all equipment except for
weapons. And body wear. And armor. And bracers. And headwear. Oh, hell. You'll
get back one boot and some pocket change.
[TROUPE] ARBITER?!?! How could this be a trap? I called this meeting.
TROUPE is now WANTED!!!
[ARBITER] You were obviously the mastermind behind this devious plot and
therefore guilty of conspiracy to. Um, commit a conspiracy.
[TROUPE] Oh, this is ridiculous. All of you, get out before I have the bouncers
throw you out.
[BATTLE] One thing before we go.
TROUPE yells, "Help! Someone just kicked dirt in my eyes!"
BATTLE is now WANTED!!!
[ARBITER] You are wanted for killing criminals without our presence to make sure
everything is loot. Er, carried out in a manner befitting the crime.