I mean, ten thousand troops couldn't stop him at Hu Lao Gate, so three men HOLDING HIM OFF isn't so shabby. If we really wanted to win, we'd gather an entire troupe of Tiger Generals.

Let's get this going:


Insertnamehere = Guan Yu
Jalim = Zhang Fei
Batman = Liu Bei(Even though he totally wants to be Mi Heng, SERIOUSLY. Such a bad ass.)


Just look at him.
Fuck yeah.
Mi Heng was superior.

"The men you have mentioned are all known to me, only too well. Xun Yu is good for attending funeral ceremonies or the bedridden, Xun You for guarding graveyards. Cheng Yu would show remarkable talent in service as a gatekeeper, and Guo Jia’s real talent lies in reading prose and reciting verse. Zhang Liao is equal to the task of tapping chimes and drums, Xu Chu for tending cattle and horses. Yu Jin can be employed carrying blocks and constructing walls, Xu Huang slaughtering pigs and dogs. Xiahou Dun should have the title ‘Unscathed General’ and Cao Ren‘Well-bribed Governor’. The rest are so many clothes racks, rice sacks, wine casks, meat sacks…"

What's that, Mi Heng? You just insulted one of the most powerful people in all of China and lived? You also insulted the honor of various warriors who have been in countless battles? Fuck yeah you did. No way you could top that, Mi Heng, no way. I mean, if you did, my head would explode from badassery. Wait a second, you topped it, how?

"At this Cao Cao made Mi Heng a drum master to play at the imperial court. The previous drum master warned Mi Heng to turn up dressed in fresh attire, however Mi Heng arrived dressed in shabby robes and played Triple Tolling of Yuyang, so beautifully that the guests were reduced to tears. Half way through the piece, a court attendant asked why he hadn't changed his clothes, Mi Heng stripped naked......"

Pardon me? You just totally nuded yourself in front of the entire Imperial Court with people crying? You mean to tell me that, had I walked in RIGHT then, I'd have walked into an area with 10,000 people crying while a naked dude hit drums with his junk wiggling about? Fuck yeah. Fuck fucking yeah.

Mi Heng, no way you could top that, right?
OH SHIT I'M WRONG AGAIN

"......leaded with Cao Cao to spare Mi Heng, so Cao Cao sent Mi Heng to Jingzhou, promising that if Mi Heng could win Liu Biao's support, he would be made a high ranking official.

At Jingzhou Mi Heng sung praise of Liu Biao in a tone so ironic that Liu Biao was angered. Liu Biao sent Mi Heng to his friend Huang Zu, who executed Mi Heng after Mi Heng compared him to a temple god — much praised but practically useless. Liu Biao, deeply upset at Mi Heng's death, recovered his body and had him buried at Parrot Island near Yingwu. It is reported that Cao Cao rejoiced at the death of Mi Heng calling him a "rotten bookworm". "

What's that? You insulted a guy that you knew would execute you? Fuck yeah you did. I bet, as you were about to be executed, you looked over at the executioner and told him how to do his job correctly(Because you know better than he does), fuck yeah you did. You're the guy who comes home to find someone else fucking his wife, and proceeds to explain to the lover how to do it better.



Anyway.......


Yeah, I can be Liu Bei. Only if we actually totally beat Cao Cao this time, WITHOUT any of those goddamned Sun family fuckers.
Yes?
(PS, Robdorken can be Sun Quan so we can beatum up)