.... I used to get REAL upset over losing gear (not the death so much...) even if it were just 1-2 pieces lost.
Now I've finally (after a few years) managed to turn it around. I view it as if I actually where the character.
I died... I think of whatever RP reaction my char would have based on the role. As Kreo I would whine to no ends and do anything to get things lost back. As Arrna I should be quiet, say as little as possible. Perhaps just comment if they did it well. (I did do some gear-whining with Arrna though...)
As my current char my roles mandates me to whine a bit when I die in certain ways, but not exsesivly. I plot to revenge.
When I get full looted now days I make it my biggest quest to find the bastard who did it, kill them. Get everything from their corpse, move one room away, drop it all, move back in and wait for their reactions. If an interesting interactin occurs, I'll tell them to take a step in whatever direction the gear is. If it goes bad, I just leave. Up to them to find out where their gear are. ;)
I've managed to do it twice now, and it's an awesome experience. heh
Basically my adivice is to do it all IC. Malakhi's post on the officials really made me think as well. Bards notes, place bounties etc.