Regardless of role?
Seems like you have a tendency to play characters with beliefs that are completely opposite of your cabal choice, and you want that to be forgiven. Read "help scarab cabal" and basic reading comprehension tells you that addictions are not going to be acceptable. They're all about freedom to do what you truly wish to do. Obviously, you can't do that if you're acting only to feed your addictions.
Reading "help fortress of light", and the third sentence tells you that letting good people die is a bad thing. Yet you want these rules to be ignored to suit your own personal role? The Fortress is literally all about protecting good. You can't be cavalier about ANY good person dying, ever.
Why would you expect a leader of a cabal to put aside the basic beliefs of that cabal for you? Especially when your own personality (ie, annoying and whiny) consistently shines through in your roleplay. There is no reason for that.
There is plenty of room for unique and outside-the-box characters. But those outside-the-box characters still need to fit into the basic beliefs of the cabal. If you can't grasp that, you're going to fail over and over again.